The Nature of Our Reality
by Gilmorecrazy04
Summary: There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.Lorelai tries to find her place in life, love, family, and general acceptance. Written in Lorelai's point of view.javajunkie spin
1. Another Night with the Gilmores

**Disclaimer:** Own nothing.

**A/N:** This is my first fan fiction piece, as cliché as it sounds. I had never really planned on writing one, even though I really love to read them. But then, this idea popped in my head when I was reading some quotes for an essay I was writing. After that, I had to write it. So I thank everyone who takes the time to read this piece. Reviews are completely appreciated, even if it's constructive criticism. This piece takes place after Lorelai breaks off the engagement to Max. It's all about Lorelai and her struggles to find peace with her parents, her middle in life, and a complete happiness. It's about Lorelai's growth as a person. (Also, some Luke/Lorelai parings-as you would probably be able to guess after chapter 1-but that's not the main focus.)

**Inspiration: **"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." –Nelson Mandela

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As I stood outside the door, all I could think of was how much I did not want to enter that house. I couldn't believe Rory had left me to fend for myself this Friday night dinner with my parents. While I continued to procrastinate my entrance, I thought about this house. How this house, even after sixteen years, has never been 'home'. After all this time of regular visits on Friday nights, it still brings back the dark memories of my adolescence. The house almost seems to grow bigger and darker with my every visit. Without Rory as my shield, the house has an even more terrible effect on me. Every hurt and pain I have felt in my entire life seems to be on my shoulders now. I will never be good enough, successful enough, or even acceptable enough for them. The house, even just in its visual image, is a constant reminder of that. Never could I have grown up here. I needed to have Rory and 'screw' up my life in order to mature. I really did grow up with my daughter. We truly grew up together. How anyone ever grows up in this high society, I don't know. But some do. I never could, I had to leave. If only I could get them to understand. I would've continued being sixteen forever if I hadn't left. Christopher did. It seems awful that I think of my daughter's father as being sixteen. It's awful that it makes me nervous that I sent Rory to Boston for a weekend to stay with him. I mean, he's her father. But Rory has always been more mature than he has. I'll always believe it's because he stayed in that society, always trying to find a spot to belong. I'll never know for sure, but I do know that high society life was never for Chris and me. I slammed the rest of my coffee and thought "here's to a night from hell" as I rang the doorbell.

The maid took my jacket and ushered me into the living room where my _darling_ parents were already entertaining a guest. A male guest, that just so happens to be around my age. Why am I not surprised? All I could do was stand there and stare unbelievingly. No one even noticed my Boo Radley moment. I mean, not they've never set me up before, I just figured that even Emily Gilmore had to have a breaking point somewhere. I felt anger searing in my chest. I tried to remain calm and assure myself that this was just some coincidence and that my mother was not trying to set me up once again. Finally my mother turned to me as I cleared my throat. She muttered "Oh, hello there, Lorelai, how was the traffic?" Oy, my mother and her traffic. Someday I swear she's gonna work for traffic control or something. I managed to reply "traffic was fine, mother. Now who might this charming young man be?" I was almost surprised by how much sarcasm I could lace in my voice, _almost_. My father went on to explain how James Nicolas Adams-Hobart was a son of one of my fathers several business partners. I think someone should draft a law that my father can only have partners that have no children or only girls. Although then my parents would probably _still_ try to set me up with one of the daughters. It would probably still be a step above me choosing my own man. Gosh forbid I do that. I realized that I had no idea what had been said for the past 10 minutes. I listened and realized that all they had been 'chatting' about was economic pros and cons of investing in such and such companies. Oy, a recording of this would really come in handy on those nights when I can't fall asleep. I almost couldn't even be mad at my parents. I should have expected this, I mean Rory's in Boston-leaving myself alone, all my parents can think about is making something of this life I've destroyed. I've almost reached the point of numbness with them. And of course the guy would have to be some high society jerk. I mean, the guy is even too good to have just one last name. Why does everyone even marginally important have to have two last names? Can't they just be satisfied with one? I could not wait until dinner is over. My parents are going to be sorry this time. I have to get it through to them that they officially stopped controlling my life when I left with Rory. The minute James what's-his-face left the room some spark ignited in me.

"HOW DARE YOU TWO! How dare you try and set me up AGAIN! Do you even realize that I am 32 years old and fully capable of choosing my own men to date? And I can tell you; He will not be from this world. I am not cut out for this life; I don't want this life. I ran away at 16 for a reason. I had a reason, it doesn't matter that you couldn't understand it, it was still there." I listened to myself break down. So much for numbness. I don't think I'll ever be numb with them. They're my parents and it hurts too much; Although, I'll never let that on to another soul. Not even my kid.

I watched my father's face turn bright red. That's funny usually it's mom that explodes. "Lorelai Victoria Gilmore II, don't you _dare_ attack me or your mother for doing what is best for you. We have always tried to step in and prevent you from furthering the black hole of your life. It is our job as your parents to do what is needed, and this was needed. You have proven to us both time and time again that you cannot pick out a suitable man. And when you finally do chose someone acceptable, you break it off. And if you can not do it, we will do it for you. And you will not argue. You have ruined this family name. Your mother and I are simply trying to restore some respectability to the Gilmore name you annihilated when you went and got knocked up at sixteen. And again when you broke off the engagement to Max. You were supposed to be more than this. You were destined for Yale. Yale, Lorelai, Yale. And you would've made it too. You were always the brightest in your class, always. You will not blame us for helping you find a suitable spouse."

Ouch, Max was a low blow, even for my father. Wow. I'm really glad Rory does not see this side of them. "It was never me, dad, never. I've always needed to find the world on my own. What I've found so far is great. I need to finish this process on my own." I could hear the tears brimming under my shaky voice. I hate that they can see themselves breaking me down. How did I get parents that lack the parenting gene? No parent is supposed to enjoy tearing his or her child apart.

My mother turned to me, and I thought, yup, now it's her turn to attack. "That is not true, Lorelai. You haven't taken one part of this journey alone. Rory, Sookie, Luke, they've always been allowed to give help. No, Lorelai, the only people who you've needed to separate from is us, your parents."

True. How do I even argue that? Maybe with more truth. "You've always tried to turn me into someone I'm not. I could never trust your help mom. It always felt like it was just another plan to turn me into a Stepford wife. I love the life I've made for myself, mom. I love this life so much that I wasn't even willing to change it for Max. I need to receive help from those I know are not just trying to squeeze me into a mold."

I made my way towards the door during this talk. I turned the doorknob and closed the door behind me. All of a sudden, I felt the Niagara Falls cascading down my face. I had held them off as long as possible. I opened the car door; I wanted out of this place as quickly as possible. It figures that tonight would be the night the damn car won't start. I made my way back to the door. Fuck, I hated depending on my parents. I rang the doorbell, what choice did I have? When mom answered the door, I walked past her briskly; I did not want her to see my tears. I managed to get out, "I'm staying here tonight." I went up the stairs to my old room and slammed the door. I looked around the room, which was as completely not me as a room could get. "Even then, they were trying to constrict me," I whispered. I felt so completely oppressed, like I was sixteen again. My cell phone began vibrating in my pocket. I decided to check and see who it was just in case it was important, maybe it was Rory. Who else would call at 10:30 at night? Luke's Diner. I hadn't really planned on answering, but it was Luke. I usually stopped by the diner on Friday nights after dinner. He was probably worried that I hadn't showed. We had joked about it this morning. When I answered I could still hear my voice shaking.

"Lorelai, are you okay?" I managed to let a smile slip onto my face. Luke has always been so concerned about me. I feel safe when I'm around him.

"Yeah, just the side effects of another Friday night dinner with the Gilmores. Tonight that was topped with a blind date and dead car. So I'm really getting lucky."

"Oh, so you probably wont make it to the diner tonight then. Hey, do you want me to come get you? The last thing you must need is more time at that house. Then I'll go fix your car tomorrow or send Gypsy to do it."

"Luke, are you sure you can drive out to Hartford tonight? It's pretty late."

"Lore, its no problem. You need to get out of there. I can understand that. Plus, you have to work tomorrow."

"Thank you Luke. I promise I will make it up to you. See you in a few Luke."

I'm really lucky despite my parent's shortcomings. Because where they fall short, is definitely made up for in friends. Friends like Luke who is always there for me, friends that will always have my back. I hope I do the same for them.


	2. Trip Down Memory Lane

A/N: So here is chapter 2, I really enjoyed writing this one. If the histories of Luke and Lorelai did not happen as it did in the show, I intentionally changed it. I owe 'social suicide' to Motion City Soundtrack.

I went to lie down on my bed to wait for Luke to come. I must have fallen asleep because when I sat up Luke was on my floor looking at my old photo album. I got up to join him. "Having a nice look at my past?"

He looked at me and gestured around the room, "none of this looks like you." He pointed to a picture of me as a very young girl with a dress on with really, really puffy sleeves.

The picture managed to get a grin to escape my lips. A grin that was backed up with a lot of hurt. "It wasn't, I often think of my childhood as a corset; from the outside it looks attractive and good, but it really is just strangling and miserable. But, that's high society for you." I sat down on the floor next to Luke and started going through all my pictures with him. Oddly enough, it did not feel invading, just felt right.

We got to the pictures of me at sixteen. "Did you really come that close to marrying Rory's dad? I always thought you were very opposed to the idea of marriage at that time in your life." I must have given Luke a look that had confusion written all over it, because he pointed to a picture of me in a wedding-look alike dress. All I could do was laugh.

"You're never gonna guess what that dress was…It was my coming out dress. Or at least it would've been if I actually came out. You know, if I did not get blessed with Rory. She really was the blessing in all of this." I flipped the page and pointed to the ultrasound picture of Rory. "I was so happy, so completely thrilled. I was going to have the chance to be the mom to this little baby that I never had. Most of all, I just wanted to share an unconditional love with someone. I was dancing on the inside, unfortunately I had to act depressed and unhappy around everyone. Even Chris wouldn't have been able to understand the happiness dancing inside of me."

Luke looked at me with a look of such complete understanding. "The corset thing again."

Wow. Monosyllabic diner man actually understood, "exactly that."

Luke turned the page of the album again and a strip of photos, from one of those photo booth things, of Chris and me fell out. Luke picked them up, and for some unknown reason I felt embarrassed. They were of Chris and me being all goofy, but Luke knew that I was crazy. He had seen all my sides- my worst, my best, and my in-betweens. And yet, I still felt my cheeks turn red. He looked up at me; "Did you really love him?"

Luke asked this question as if he could not care less about the answer, and yet, somehow I knew my answer mad all the difference in the world. "No…well yes…. Yes, I very much did. But in a 'I'm sixteen-a teenager-have the rest of my life to live responsibly- kind of way. Never a 'I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with this man' love. But I did love him, in a lot of ways I still do. I never quite stopped being that teenager."

Luke gave me a look that told me he did not believe a word of what I had just said. "Lorelai, what do you mean you're still a teenager? You are the best mother in the entire world, and you've raised one hell of a kid. You can make anyone feel better with just one of your grins.

I loved how Luke just said those things like they were absolute truths. No differently than how he would've said the earth was round. Like it was fact, could not be argued. "In some ways, yes, you're right. But I got extremely lucky with Rory. I didn't know the first think about being a parent. I only knew what I didn't want to do, from my parents. But rarely did I have to play the mom card with Ror. But look at me Luke, I'm still running. Just exactly like I was at sixteen. I'm still tied to this world, this house. I'm still trying desperately to escape. I'm still very much sixteen. My fist instincts are still yelling and running. I'm always trying fight and flight at the same time. I'm Peter Pan in Neverland, refusing to grow up."

Luke gave me a look of compassion and flipped the album to a page of me at the hospital with Rory when she was born. Just of Rory, the doctor, and me. "You're not Peter Pan, you're Lorelai Gilmore and you are so far from acting sixteen. Where is your family in this picture?"

"Not there. My parents were at some charity even with their cell phones turned off when their only daughter nine months pregnant. You see it would've been extremely rude if the cell phones ringed during the event, social suicide. And Chris, he was working on some project that if he did not ace, he would have failed high school. His parents were already so mad at him he could not fail school too. So I drove myself to the hospital and had Rory by myself. God, that was dumb. What would've happened if I had gone into labor in the car? I could've killed my kid. God, I was so young and stupid. I don't know how I would've survived if something had happened to Rory. She could've died that night."

Luke swept me into a much-needed hug as I started getting teary-eyed again. "You could've died too. But come on, let's get you home."

I smiled, " you have no idea how good that sounds. And hey, could you not mention the fact that Christopher and my parents weren't at the hospital to Rory? I don't want her to feel any less special or loved."

Luke nodded yes and led me out of the house to his truck. He opened the door for me and drove me back to Stars Hollow. It was a quiet drive, neither of us spoke. But it wasn't a stuffy uncomfortable silence, just one to reflect. A much needed silence. I feel bad for people who can't appreciate a good silence. Most people would think that I couldn't, but every once in a while when it was right, I enjoyed a silence. He stopped the truck outside the diner and asked if I wanted any coffee. "Forget coffee, got anything stronger?"

Luke just started laughing at me and when I sent him a questioning look he explained, "I never thought I'd hear Lorelai Gilmore turn down coffee. But yes, I have beer, but we'll have to drink it in the apartment since the diner doesn't have a liquor license."

Luke led me up the stairs into the apartment and handed me a beer and opened up one for himself. I took a sip and instantly felt the effects. I loosened up and calmed down a bit. "So Luke Danes, we've heard a lot about me tonight, but what about you? What was your childhood like?

Luke looked at me and sat down on the couch next to me. "There is nothing much to tell, really. I spent 90 of my time in this store after my mom died of cancer. My dad really needed the help; he just completely fell apart. He had always been so strong; I hadn't ever expected that to happen. Liz fell apart too. It forced me to step in and be strong. I really resented my father for that. My dad had always been my rock, my support system. My hero, in a lot of ways. And when she died, he just broke. They really shared a lot of love, and it killed him. I regret that I resented my father for that hurt now of course. I wish I had done a better job with my family. I wish I could've prevented Liz from getting pregnant. She was in no shape for motherhood, poor Jess got the short end of the stick. Jess is my nephew. But I spent most of my time in this shop, and then all of it after my father got sick and died. Liz had already taken off with Jess' father Jimmy. He's done now of course, that type never sticks around long. I always thought I'd leave this town, I hated it here. Well, you know how much I hate this town and its craziness."

I put my arm around Luke and looked at him in a new light. All this time I knew him, I never knew he could be so honest-that he had such a history. "Your family was lucky to have you Luke. I know you did everything you could, because your Luke, and that's what you do. But did you really hate this town."

He looked at me with the most honest look I've ever received. "Nah, not really. I could've left, nothing held me here. This was my home though. And I don't hate it. I could never actually leave this town. Now if you let this on to anyone, especially Taylor, I might just have to kill you. Taylor, him, I might hate."

I laughed, because I couldn't help it. "Hey, do you mind if I crash here tonight? Rory's in Boston, and I don't want to be alone."

"No I don't mind, it's fine. You can have the bed I'll take the couch."

"Luke, I don't want to put you out. You've done enough tonight, and I'm not going to steal your bed after all that."

He looked at me unbelievingly. "You're gonna take the couch?"

I laughed. "Hell No! We can share the bed. We are both adults and friends."

Luke smiled at me and gave me a tee shirt and pair of shorts to wear to bed. Once we'd both changed (me in the bathroom of course), we climbed into the bed. The night's events, mine and Luke's stories, circled in my head and I started to cry a little. Luke had been so great tonight. "Hey Luke, thanks for everything." I could hear the tears in my voice and he must have been able to also, because he rolled over to me and put an arm around me. And for the first time all night, I felt okay.


	3. Not What You Said Last Night

A/N: This chapter was really fun to write. I hope I am not butchering Lorelai's character. I really am trying to keep the characters as much like themselves as possible. However, writing Lorelai is really tricky since she is so different from me. I'm trying to keep her light and funny in this chapter. I hope I did not fail too miserably. Thanks to J. Stone for reviewing-made my day. It's nice knowing that even just one person is enjoying what you write.

I panicked when I first woke up in a strange place. Then I recognized Luke's apartment and last nights events came rushing back to me. God, that was embarrassing. Why couldn't I ever be cool, calm, and collected when Luke is around? Probably because I'm never calm or collected, but still it would be nice if Luke didn't always see my breakdowns. I sat up in bed and glanced at the clock on Luke's night stand- 10:00. On that same nightstand sat a cup of the elixir of life, coffee. I smiled at Luke's understanding of my needs and my stomach jumped. Okay, don't exactly know what that was about, probably just hungry. There was a note next to my beloved coffee. It read:

Hey Lore,

Hope you're feeling better this morning. Sorry I had to open the diner this morning, so I'm downstairs. Feel free to heat your coffee in microwave-that is if you have not finished it yet-before you come downstairs. I'll make you breakfast when you get down. I don't know how to avoid people seeing you come down the stairs; we'll just have to deal with the talk I guess. I had your jeep towed to your house so you don't have to worry about it. I'll stop by to fix it tonight after I close up the diner. If you need a vehicle before that you can take the truck, if you know how to drive stick.

-Luke

I couldn't help but laugh at the coffee part. That man really did know me well. My stomach just fluttered again, but I must have imagined it. Luke does not make my insides butterfly. He's just good old dependable Luke. I found a pen and strip of paper and scribbled a note back to Luke.

Luke,

Thanks for the hospitality. Sorry you always have to see me when I'm a running faucet. Don't worry about the jeep, I'll just have Gypsy fix it. I have already inconvenienced you enough. Thanks for everything you've done for me. Come over tonight after you close the diner for movie night.

-Lorelai

I invited him to movie night? I was just trying to be nice, I suppose. That or I did not want to have movie marathon by my self. That must be it. A movie night alone with Luke. That's some way to thank him, making him spend even more time with me. Oh my God, I really did like him. This town has always been right. I think I have for a while. I mean, there is an awful lot to like. He's a family man. Well, not completely, but when they were alive he was. He would've done anything for them. He'd do anything for me. He's probably the only reason Rory and I are even living today. He feeds us practically every meal, half of which he won't let us pay for. Oh my goodness, I've done the worst possible thing I could do. I've fallen for Luke, my best friend.

I did the only thing I could think of doing. I picked up Luke's phone, I did not know where mine was and this was urgent, and dialed Rory's cell.

"Hello, who is this? And why are you calling so early to wake me from my much needed beauty sleep? This had better be very important." Rory answered sleepily.

"I'm gonna puke, Rore. I've done something bad, something very bad. And now I am going to puke."

"Mom? What did you do for this sudden urge to vomit? And it couldn't have waited to an acceptable calling hour?"

"Hey, offspring of mine! Mommy is having a crisis, and all you can think of is sleep. Real good daughter you are."

"This better be a bigger crisis than if the Offspring are really better than Metallica, or what movies to watch tonight, or what pair of shoes to wear, or what you're gonna order at the diner today."

" So glad you think that your mother cannot take anything seriously. Because you know, I can be a real John Kerry when I need to be."

"Oh wow, bring out the politician references, this must be big. Okay, you have my complete attention. I'm listening, mom. Why are you nauseous?"

"Drum roll please, Rory. I like…I like…I think I may like…no, I know I like Luke. I mean really, really like. And now I want to puke both because I said it out loud and because I know it's true."

"Wow, mom, this is big. I mean I always knew you liked Luke. Everyone always knew. But you confirmed it even further when you broke off your wedding. But you admitting it that's big. You do know you can't just like Luke. I mean to be with Luke, you really have to BE with Luke. Like all the way, you can't just half do it. We both risk loosing a lot. You know that right?

"Oh really, now that's a bummer. I always thought of Luke as a 'love-em' and leave-em' type'- you know just another 'flavor of the week'. I had no idea I had to be serious with him. Darn, I was really looking forward to a good one-night stand. Honestly, Rory, why do you think I want to puke? I know what this entails. This is big, bigger than big, bigger than the Great Wall of China big. I've fallen for my best friend in the entire world…"

"HEY NOW!"

"I mean, other than my fabulous daughter."

"That's more like it! You know you do have to tell him. He's been waiting for you forever. Don't make him wait any longer. If you've decided you want to _be_ with Luke, you have to let him know as soon as possible."

"Well, I'm not going to go downstairs and proclaim my love for him in the middle of the diner. I'm not Tom Cruise after all. And how are you so sure he has a thing for me?"

"Downstairs…Mom? Where are you?"

Whoops. I groaned. How could I have let that one slip? "Luke's apartment," I said very shyly.

"OH MY GOD! You are in his apartment at…10 in the morning? You went to the diner that early? And why are you in the apartment part anyway?

Wow, she could really take after my mother when she wanted to. I really did not want to tell my kid all of last night's events. "I slept over after Friday night dinner."

"Wow. I mean, wow. You slept over? Oh my- you didn't…you know-did you?"

"RORY! No I did not have sex with Luke! Your grandparents were just in real fine form last night and I didn't want to be alone. Luke has no idea of my feelings yet. Let's just leave it at that, okay?

"Well, you can't exactly blame me mom. You call, from Luke's apartment after having spent the night, with some epiphany of how you like him. I've got to wonder. All right, invite him to movie night tonight and tell him. And mom, if you don't I will when I get home."

"Wow, are you channeling Emily Gilmore's spirit? The similarities are uncanny."

"Grandma's trying to set you up with diner man? Somehow I doubt it. I've got to go now, mom. Goodbye."

"Bye, dear offspring of mine. Thanks for the crisis help."

I groaned as I thought about how I would have to tell Luke tonight. How was Rory so sure that he liked me anyway? I can't see how unless he is completely infatuated by water work displays. I probably repulse him. But I still do have to tell him, because I won't be able to live with myself if I don't. There would always be that chance that he feels the same way. And as long as that chance is there, I would go crazy not knowing. I got dressed and grabbed my note to Luke and prepared to walk down those stairs. I knew that the minute I appeared in the diner the rumor mills would have a field day. And the worst part is that they would be a little right. Because I, Lorelai Gilmore, really did like flannel-clad diner man. Just as I suspected, the whispers commenced the minute I showed up behind the counter. And of course, Miss Patty _had_ to be there.

I went and found a seat and waited for Luke to come wait on me. He came bringing the God-given coffee. He made sure I was feeling better before bringing up the jeep.

"Hey, is it alright if I stop by tonight to fix the jeep?"

"Nope, Gypsy can do it. Not that I don't trust my jeep in your hands, but you've already done plenty enough for me."

"Really Lorelai, it's not a big deal. I can fix it, I am not doing anything else tonight."

"Good to know, but you're not fixing my car. And don't even try to argue with me. I run the inn, I can go there anytime I want. So I've got _all_ day to sit here and argue. And do you really think you can out argue a Gilmore? Didn't think so."

He walked away, but as he did so he yelled, "You are impossible Lorelai Gilmore!"

Oh now, that is just not fair. It is way too easy, and I am not going to be able to resist the temptation. "Not what you were saying last night, Luke Danes!" I yelled back. I am definitely going to regret that one.

When I finished eating, I carefully folded the note to Luke in the money so no one would see me hand a note to Luke. I figured my little comment had done enough damage already. There is no need to further the whole I dug. I walked up to the counter and paid Luke. As I handed him the money I said, "You so much as think about bringing 'Bert' to my house tonight, and you are a dead man."

He found my note in the money and put it in his pocket. "You know, you've already made it worse with that sense of humor of yours. This stupid, crazy town is going to be talking for weeks."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Sometimes he really was just that cute. "Ah now diner man, I have it on good authority that you actually like this 'stupid, crazy town'," I whispered to him. With that I turned and left the diner with an extra little jaunt in my step. Maybe this whole crush on Luke thing would be okay after all. We certainty had the flirting thing mastered already. Today was going to be a long day waiting for movie night tonight.


	4. Thinking is Overrated

A/N: Sorry it has been a few days since the last update. I have not been home in a while to have time to type this chapter up. It has been written for a while. Thank you to all that have reviewed and put this story on alert. This story is for the hopeless romantic- what girl does not what a man like Luke Danes? Also, if you haven't watched any of the movies mentioned in this story I highly recommend you have a movie night of your own. These are some of the best movies around in my opinion- especially _Memento_.

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It was a crazy day at the inn as usual- Sookie set 5 things on fire, Michel made 4 customers angry, and I was so distracted that I was no help at all. All I could think of was which movies we would watch; is it too romantic, is it romantic enough? By the time I got off work I had myself so worked up I practically ran to the video rental. I decided I'd rent three movies even though there was no possible way we could watch all three. This way Luke could pick a movie. After much deliberating I decided on _Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Memento, _and _Benny and Joon. _ _Memento_ was not my personal favorite considering I talked through every movie, but Rory liked it and it was more manly. I hoped he would choose _Benny and Joon_ so if I felt like staring at Luke I could distract myself with Johnny Depp.

I was so busy praising myself with my solving of the movie crisis that I ran directly into Babette. Great, I'm sure Miss Patty has filled her in on all the going ons in the diner this morning.

"Oh hi sugar, what's a doll like yourself doin' with three movies? Big movie night at the Gilmores tonight? You sure didn't get home 'till late last night; I didn't see your car last night or this mornin'. And then Miss Patty said you were seen comin' down stairs into the diner this mornin' after Luke had been workin' all mornin'. Sugar, did you and Lucas finally figure out how you are destined to be together; you spendin' the whole night there and all."

"No, Luke and I are just two very good friends. He just helped me out with something last night. And then my sense of humor got the best of me with that my little comment that I'm sure Miss Patty filled you in on. As for the movies, I'm on my own this weekend so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. You have a goodnight now, Babette."

"Alright, whatever you say sugar. Bye"

I somewhat convinced, the rest of the town to go. I went home to get ready because I had to get all the candy out and figure out a good outfit. I had to find something that said 'look at how sexy I am' without looking like I tried to hard. After much deliberation I decided on a light blue tight fitting tee shirt with my favorite jeans. Wow, it's been a while since I've felt like a love-crazed teenager. Luke Danes made me feel like a teenager with that first real crush again. It was enough to make me want to melt and puke simultaneously. It was really nice to have someone make me paranoid about whether or not they liked me back. Those raw feelings have been missing since I fell out of love with Christopher. It felt so completely right to feel this way about Luke and not the slightest bit weird, which was weird itself. I mean, this should feel weird-he's Luke. But it's not, just completely right. And enough to make me sick. I guess it partially did not feel weird because these feelings were not actually new, just newly discovered. I think I've had them for quite a while subconsciously. The other reason it was not weird was because he is Luke. He is such a wonderful man that it just makes sense to fall in love with him. Not that I do love him…oh who am I kidding, I do. There is so much care in everything that man dose that I can't understand why women are not throwing themselves at him. Why wasn't I? I've always known Luke that well. And why would Rachel leave? Didn't she realize that she could go anywhere in the world, and she would never find another man quite as great as Luke Danes? Luke is the whole package. Rachel should be institutionalized because insanity is the only possible reason to leave Luke. Luke said she 'had her reasons', but he never told me what they were. Could it really have just been because Luke had a hard time adjusting to her living with him? She couldn't blame him for that. She had run off before, and Luke already had too many people on this earth leave him. Damn her for leaving him like that and causing him hurt. She must be crazy. Somehow I doubt she left because he was reluctant to believe she was there for good. And she had said to me herself how she was ready to settle down now. Sow what changed and made her leave? Luke knew and he avoided telling me. That night he came over when Max took me out he just said 'she had her reasons'; why didn't he tell me what? We share most everything. And why did he come over that night? It was not for Bert. I mentioned Bert to him after he had come. And after Max came Luke had said he was 'fixing something'. That was a lie-there was nothing broken. It couldn't have been to tell me Rachel left, that could've waited until I saw him at the diner. So why did he come? And why did Rachel leave Luke?

A know at the door brought me back from my thoughts. I ran to the door to let Luke in, but I could not get those questions out of my head. "Hey Luke, welcome to your first ever Gilmore movie night fest. Shame Rory is not here to see it."

He pushed takeout boxes towards me. " You cannot just eat junk for dinner. Here is a burger since you did not stop in the diner tonight."

My heart lurched. Wow, I never knew I could be such a little schoolgirl. I dragged Luke into the living room and made him choose a movie. Luke chose _Ferris Bueller_ since he hadn't seen it since he was a kid. Normally I would've been thrilled. It was definitely one of the best '80s flicks. It was sheer brilliance; an entire movie about how three kids skip one day of school. And yet tonight, I couldn't even get excited. Those two questions just kept swirling in my head leaving me completely distracted. I actually made it to the restaurant scene before I grabbed the remote and stopped the movie. Luke looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Luke, why did Rachel leave?"

"Why didn't you marry Max?"

"You can't answer a question with another question."

"Lorelai, why did you break off your wedding?"

"Because it was not right. You were right. I wasn't excited about marrying Max- I was excited about the concept of a love so strong that it lasted 'until death do us part'. He didn't know where my coupon drawer is. I didn't know how he felt about having kids, or even how I felt. You only get married once and I didn't want to settle. I had no desire to try on my wedding dress every night. I just knew he wasn't my middle." He wasn't you, I thought. Wow, I didn't marry Max because I compared him to Luke. He could never be what Luke was to me. "Why do you care so much anyway Luke?"

"I was afraid you ended it because of what I said about marriage and it being impossible to evolve together. I just want you to be happy Lorelai, and I was afraid I ruined your happiness."

"Everything you said was right Luke. Max and I were not ready, mostly because we weren't soul mates. I want to marry my soul mate Luke; I don't want to settle. I want someone who just knows where my coupon drawer is."

"You don't even have a coupon drawer Lorelai."

"True. But I mean in concept. Someone who knows me that well. But did you really mean all of that stuff about marriage?"

"I watched my dad fall apart after my mom died and I promised myself I would never let myself get that close to anyone. In a way it's risking your sanity. But now, now I think that there can be someone out there that is just worth that risk, your soul mate. My mom brought so much joy to my dad's life and if two people are that in love it seems a shame to not get married and share that. As long as they don't want to change you; make you start eating French food, that type of thing. If there is enough love shared, people can evolve."

"Do you think you will ever find that girl Luke? That girl that is worth the risk of your sanity."

"I don't know, I don't want to lose someone that special to me. I've lost a lot of loved ones Lorelai."

"But if you found her, that girl that makes you so happy that she was worth that risk, you would allow yourself to fall in love with her?

"Yeah, I guess. Falling in love I find is not something you can really control. Why do you care so much anyway Lorelai?"

"Because, Luke, I want to be that girl to you."

Not the way I intended to tell Luke I loved him, but at least that's over. I tried to judge his reaction. He just looks so sincere, so much like the Luke I see everyday. Luke that one sentence did not change anything, even though it changed absolutely everything. Suddenly Luke grabbed my face and brought his mouth to my ear and whispered, "You already are." His lips moved to mine and I can't remember ever having been kissed like this before. He ran his tongue along my lip requesting entrance and I quickly granted it. His tongue danced with mine and I know I've never been kissed with this much passion, care and curiosity. I know I will never be able to get enough of this man, no one has ever made my knees go week just by kissing me. I feel him lift me up, not taking his lips off of mine except for a quick gasp of air here and there. Luke Danes, my best friend for eight years, can kiss me like this. This was right, so completely right. I am in love with diner man. And I am scared, but feel safe at the same time because I know Luke will never hurt me intentionally. I felt myself crash into the wall and our passion for each other heightened. I heard myself moan, but it may have been Luke. I'm not really sure. Coherent thoughts were becoming harder and harder to form. Thinking is overrated anyway. "Bedroom…now," I whispered in Luke's ear. I could feel him obey my request, carrying me up the stairs. His lips never left mine. I've never felt so aroused by a man carrying me to my bedroom, but Luke's muscles definitely had that effect on me. In fact, no other man has ever carried me to my bedroom. Luke laid me on the bed and I lifted my arms to allow Luke to take off my shirt. Luke was just undoing my jeans when I regained the ability to think. I couldn't do this with Luke yet. I had to be positive that this was right for both of us. We could go back to the way were if something happened after we had only kissed. But if we had sex, then things would be changed forever. I had to make sure I was prepared to be the woman Luke needed before I took that chance. Luke deserved the best. "Luke, I'm sorry, but can we wait? I just don't want this to be 'another notch on the bedpost type deal. I want us to be sure and crazy in love first. This is too important, you're too important."

"Sure, you are probably right anyway. I'm all in though, just so you know."

I smiled because I just knew I had found the man that I could spend the rest of my life with. It scared me, because it was Luke, but it made me feel safe for the exact same reason; he is Luke Danes. "Me too."

We changed into pajamas (Luke slept in his boxers), and we climbed into bed. I snuggled my head on his chest and felt his lips kiss me on the forehead. I turned on my side and he did the same and draped his arm around my side.

"Rachel, she left because of you. Because I am in love with you."

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A/N: I hope you do not think that I am moving this too fast between Luke and Lorelai. I have a couple reasons for doing this. 1. Lorelai is impatient. 2. Luke has liked Lorelai forever. 3. I need to get past the falling in love stage of Luke and Lorelai so I can start with the rest of this story. I am really itching to get to the meat of it. Thanks again for reading.


	5. What Can I Say, I'm a Coffee Whore

A/N: Okay I owe you guys a huge apology. It has been a long time since I've updated and I could give you the number of crazy things that have kept me from updating, mainly school related, but that doesn't change the fact that it has been too long. So I'm sorry but this is probably how it is going to be from now on, because I refuse to post crap just to update. That being said, I am going to do my best to give you timely updates. Thank you to all that have reviewed and alerted this story. Unless you've written a story of your own you have no idea how great it is to hear people like your writing. Or don't like it-just to know someone is reading it is really, really great. Now, onto the story:

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I remembered the perfections of last night almost at once when I woke to my alarm clock and Luke's muscular arm still draped around me just right. It was almost enough to make me forget how much I hate waking early. Damn Luke for having to open the diner. He leaned over to stop my alarm clock and kissed my forehead in the process. "Only you would have an alarm clock that moos, Lorelai Gilmore."

A grin made its way onto my face. How could I have been so blind? I had this wonderful man, my best friend, around for 8 years and I never once realized how perfect we are together. I'm a 'we' again. Luke Danes and I are a 'we', or at least I really hope we are. As much as I hate to think it, it is probably a good thing that Rory was not home this weekend. Luke and I probably never would've gotten together if Rory was home. OH SHIT! RORY! I am supposed to be at the airport to pick her up in like 30 minutes. I flew down the stairs to find Luke pouring me a cup of coffee.

"Travel Mug! I'm going to need that in a travel mug!"

Luke looked at me questioningly; "I was going to bring up to you in bed, since you're not due to be up for another four hours." He handed me the travel mug in the process.

"Thanks. No time to talk. Hello. Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." I yelled back to him as I ran out to the jeep. Luke caught up to me at the exact time I had the realization that he was going to tell me.

"You haven't had Gypsy fix the jeep yet. Take my truck, I'll walk to the diner."

Ah, my savior. "Thanks Luke, I'm going to be late picking Rory up from the airport as it is." I grabbed Luke's keys and opened up the truck door. Shit, the damn truck was stick. Oh well, how hard can it be? I mean, it's just a clutch and a plastic stick thing. I'm sure I can bullshit it. I realized how wrong I was when I stalled as soon as I tried to reverse. Luke ran over to the window and banged on it. He must have seen my "little" stall.

"Out! You will stall in the middle of an intersection and kill either my truck or yourself."

"So glad to see your priorities are straight Luke."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just can't afford a new truck. I like this truck. Out. I'll drive you to get Rory."

"But the diner…"

"The diner can wait. Move and I'll drive."

I reluctantly agreed. Well maybe not so reluctantly, a ride with Luke wouldn't exactly be torturous. Although I do hate being babied. I'm sure I would've eventually figured out that little stick thing. We made it half way to the airport without either one of us saying a word since we left my driveway. And this wasn't one of those comfortable silences. It was more like a 'we-just-almost-had-sex-for-the-first-time-and-you-are-my-best-friend-and-now-I-don't-know-how-to-act-around-you' silence. And I did not like it. This was Luke, owner of diner-my best friend-Luke. I do not have trouble talking to Luke. I never have and I don't intend to start now. Why isn't he at least trying to say something. Usually it makes him nervous when I'm not talking. What if last night meant nothing to him? What if he was just missing Rachel? How could I have expected him to be over her already? I was over Max. And Luke did tell me he loved me. Luke doesn't lie…ever. Luke loves me. He kissed me this morning on the forehead and got me coffee without arguing. But maybe I misread those signs. Maybe they were 'I'm-just-trying-to-be-nice-since-I-have-to-reject-you" signs. But he said he loved me. He must have meant it, even for that one little minute. I've never heard Luke say 'I love you' to anyone. He is not the type to take that lightly. He does love me, but maybe not in a relationship way. I love him, but I'm not sure I love him as a love interest. Either way, I don't deserve Luke's love. He's on top of everything (dirty). His life is all set.

Once again Luke interrupted my thoughts. "So, Lorelai, last night…"

Uh Oh. Panic. I'm having a panic attack. Maybe I really did prefer the silence. I'm not ready to completely put myself out there for Luke to shove in the garbage. My heart could not withstand the rejection and embarrassment by Luke Danes. I'll pull a classic Lorelai and just play dumb. "Yeah, Ferris is just so cool. Everyone should have a friend like Bueller. I've always wanted to get up on a float and sing ever since I've seen that movie. Not that it was actually Mathew Broderick singing. It was actually the Beatles. Maybe I could have the Beatles sing for me. I have absolutely no ability to si…"

"LORELAI! Can't you take anything seriously?"

Whoops. Maybe that was the wrong approach. But I do want to hear what he thinks first. "Yes, I can. Geeze, you and Rory both."

"Well, you are not displaying that fact really well right now."

"I know. I know I'm not."

"We kissed."

"Luke, we almost did a whole lot more that that."

"Yes. Thoughts?"

"Well, I don't like the whole early alarm clock for the diner thing. Cows aren't supposed to be heard that early."

"You are the one with the cow alarm clock, Lorelai. But I didn't mean thoughts on my lifestyle. I meant events of last night."

Can I get around this last direct stab? " I know…it was…it was…_different_."

"_Different?_ Lorelai, I'm trying to figure out where this stands? What do you feel?"

Arg, diner man just won't give up. "How do you feel about it Luke?"

"Lorelai, someone crazy once told you me that you cannot answer a question with a question."

"Well they were obviously crazy, so there is no need to listen to them. Way to throw that back in my face though, brownie points to you."

"I would never use you like that Lorelai. You mean something to me. I wasn't just saying that stuff last night. But I understand if you were. You had a tough weekend and I was there."

"Luke, you are _always_ there. Probably one of the few who always is. Rory, Sookie, and you. That's it. You mean the world to me…okay, maybe a little cheesy than that. It's like measurable to the cheesy, "you complete me" line. Wow. I'm Tom Cruise cheesy. Regardless, it really is the truth. I'm not going to lie. I feel scared and vulnerable when I think about starting something with you…"

"Lorelai, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'll get over this embarrassment…and I'll get over you. Eventually."

"Luke, you didn't let me finish. I'm scared to start something with you because you mean so much, but I'm even more scared not to. We can't continue to deny feelings now, it won't work. And quite honestly no matter how many times I pick on that cheesy 'you complete me' line when I watch Jerry McGuire with Rory, I've always wanted to have something that cheesy. I've always thought that was the most romantic line in a movie. I just cover up my love for the cheesy line with poking fun at it. I do love you Luke. I don't know if it's in a strictly best friend way or if it can be in a relationship way. But I want to find out. But just know I'm scared, I'm scared of what I'll find."

It has never felt so easy and so scary to admit to someone that I love him. However, one look at Luke when I said those three dangerous words was all the confirmation I needed. This is going to be all right, it has to be. Because he is Luke, and I can't afford to lose him.

"Me too, Lorelai, I'm scared too."

That actually reassured me. That shared fear seemed to put the seriousness of what we are going to do in reality. This is real, this is big, and this is life changing. And I wouldn't want anything different with Luke.

As we pulled into the airport I wanted to get one other question off my shoulders. "Luke, is it alright it…if I call you my _boyfriend_?"

Luke smiled and I know it was because he is not used to me being quite so insecure. "Only if I can call you my girlfriend."

I smiled and chuckled. We are just so high school. We got to the airport and I had Luke stand around the corner when I saw Rory coming, so that she wouldn't see him.

"Could that possibly be my daughter? My goodness, I almost don't even recognize you anymore."

"Ha ha, mom. You are quite the little comedian."

"Tell me how your trip was. Your dad, he's good? And Sherry-she's okay? Your dad deserves someone as fabulous as me. Well maybe not as fabulous, because I'm not sure that's possible, but close."

Rory rapped her arms around me into a hug. "I see you are just as modest as you were when I left you. There is time for Boston-banter later. I want to hear how things went with Luke. I am dying to know. Please tell me you did not chicken out. If you tell me a good enough story I might just forget how late you were to pick me up."

"Well about me being late. You see, Luke, he's just really good in bed. I mean he can make me do things I never thought were possible, he makes the whole world shake." I got exactly the reaction I expected and I could not help but keel over laughing. Rory yelled "MOM" and Luke turned the corner and muttered, "Aww geez, Lorelai." I like to push people to their comfort limits; it is really quite funny. Especially when Luke turns into a tomato quite like he is doing now. Now to really fill Rory in. "Rory, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend, Luke Danes. Did you know he owns a diner that has the very best coffee? But what can I say, I'm a coffee whore."

Rory squealed and hugged me and then Luke. Luke was a little awkward but he'd get used to it eventually. Luke led the way back to the truck. Rory hung back with me and I noticed her eyes were starting to water. I, as the mother that I am, immediately go into panic mode. What did Chris do? I'll kill him. "What's with the eye water display, kid?"

Rory smiled at me and I breathed a sigh of relief. I could put off murdering Chris for a little while at least. "Nothing mom, I'm just happy for you. This is good. You and Luke. It's good."

I smiled. "Yes. Yes it is.

A/N: I'm happy that Luke and Lorelai are finally together so I can move out of the cheesy, budding romance part of this story for a while. However, it did need to be done. My plans are to try to write as much as I can on the weekends since weeknights are very busy. Then I will try to quickly type the chapters on the computer when I get home from school. But my guess would be that it will only average to about 1-3 chapters a week from now on. I'm sorry about that.


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